Episode 5: High Octane

Now wait just a minute. I thought that Uncle Jesse was always true to his pact with the US of A federal government where he wouldn't make moonshine to keep Bo and Luke out of jail. It turns out that all of that was just a bunch of hooey.

The Dukes start out the day in typical sun shiny Hazzard style. First they get a new revenue agent to report to who's a woman who tells them she'd never make a deal with moonshiners and then Roscoe gets them for a brake light in the hallway. Just typical. What's more Roscoe is certain they're moonshining, so they walk outside and buy a bunch of copper tubing with no purpose in mind for it. They call that country smarts. Roscoe calls it moonshining. He and the revenue agent are in hot pursuit.

So the Dukes drive to the Boar's Next where Boss Hogg is on them like white on his suit in the parking lot. By my reckoning, I figure we've seen about 13 minutes of their day. Boss wants Jesse to make moonshine to win a $20,000 prize in an alternative fuel contest. Luke argues that it would release the grip that the A-rabs have on us. They appeal to his sense of patriotism and up the mountain to the still they go. You see, Jesse's going to break his pact with the US of A federal government for the US of A.

While Roscoe ponders what kind of fuel fossils run on, he and Boss hear a loud explosion. Boss orders Roscoe not to bust them until they finish and transport it. You see, that way Boss figures he'll get $20,000 and send the Dukes up the river. The only problem is that Roscoe fired up the revenue agent who tracked the Dukes when they fired up their still. Enticing Jesse to suggest bringing it down just a mite, she sniffs the still and passes out. So they pour the shine into the creek and she wakes up. With no evidence she has to let them go for the time being and take Luke's story about making fuel for a contest. She doesn't like that so the Dukes say they'll make a 24 hour truce where she can stay at the farm and sleep with Daisy, then try to bust them after they make a batch. Friends, I'd take that offer and so did she. I don't see anything wrong with that either.

So she's taking a bath with Daisy in a big tub in the kitchen while Daisy is bragging about how all the revenuers that the Dukes have gone through send them Christmas cards. I don't have to wonder why Bo wants in the kitchen so bad. Of course it's because they want to take her out jukin'. That means that they drink water while they take her to the Boar's Nest and get her hammered. I think I want to go jukin'.

That part of the plan worked. The next morning she busts the Duke boys...for water. Then Roscoe nails all three of them for being in cohoots of...water. After Enos hauls them in, Bo and Luke break away by threatening to drop a lit match into...water. By now, you're probably wondering where the moonshine is. You're probably wondering where Uncle Jesse is, too. That's good wondering.

Roscoe and Boss weren't wondering. They stop Jesse and off to the contest goes Boss Hogg with a couple of jugs of...water. Boss declares that his shine/fuel (yep, water) will keep them A-rabs off of our backs and is proven wrong. Jesse pops in at the end of the contest and wouldn't you know it, his shine beats water and horse shit to take first prize. The judge won't give the award winning shine to the revenuer, who also showed up, and she gets mad.

Jesse protests when they determine that shine is too hard to make as it's hard to deliver. Why you've got to pour it in your gas tank, get the revenuer drunk, trick the sheriff, blah blah blah. Then they leave without the prize money and get chased until they run out of shine/gas. The good news is that they don't get in any trouble. The bad news is that they made shine for the soul purpose of proving that its a better fuel than water or horse shit and go back to the farm where they're so poor and hungry that they tend to the chickens so they don't starve to death before Boss Hogg comes up with another scheme to put them permanently behind bars.