Episode 3: Mary Kaye's Baby

You know, probation in Hazzard County is a funny thing. The last things that you want to do are get caught with moonshine or a gun, but you can dynamite as much of whoever's property you want.
This one starts with Roscoe and Enos chasing the Duke boys in Cooter's car, which happens to be full of moonshine. You see, all of Boss Hogg's shine runners were away at the church fish fry so Cooter was recruited for a run. Of course nobody told the Duke boys that. They stop to pick up Mary Kaye Porter on the side of the road, and friends, she's all kinds of knockered up. She's running out on her man to have her baby in Florida for no other reason than she heard that it was nice. She's pretty worldly for Hazzard County. She's heard of Florida.
They lose Roscoe and Enos and Cooter's car breaks down. Being good old boys, they decide to help out any way they can and try to slip all 10 of their dollars into Mary Kaye's suitcase, only to find it stuffed with cash.
Back at the Boar's Nest, Boss Hogg has visitors from Atlanta. See, Chicago had Al Capone but Atlanta had a guy worse named McQuade. While Boss's cigar rests in his ash tray that looks just like the one I bought for 50 cents from Sgt. Tunabreath, McQuade is bemoaning to Boss his loss of $118,254.37. The funny thing is, I don't remember seeing any coins in that suitcase, just a whole mess of bills.
What ensues is a story of a bad woman who seems to try to go out of her way to get the Duke boys killed so that her baby can have the money. She feels he's due it in child support, even though she's skipping out on her boyfriend who stole it in the first place. Ain't Hazzard girls sweet?
So Jesse and Daisy dupe Roscoe into camping out at the Duke farm while the boys fix the car. Just as they get it fixed, McQuade shows up and puts a gun in Luke's face. Mary Kaye, honey that she is, refuses to give back the money. The Dukes take off, McQuade loses a car door, Luke keeps his face, and Bo gets bitten on the arm for trying to get rid of it.
I reckon that I never will figure out country smarts because they bring her to the Duke farm to have the baby. Maybe the maid in Gone With the Wind don't know nothing 'bout birthin' no babies and a few painful minutes, and gulps of Jesse's shine later, there's two of them. I wonder which one'll go blind first.
As if on queue, the bad guys show up and chase Bo and Luke around the farm. At one point, Luke gets cornered, but manages to outrun 3 or 4 bullets. What's wrong? You don't believe he could? I'll bet I could if I was that scared. In fact, I could run circles around old Bo. He only outran two bullets.
What happens next is like a cross between Deliverence and Apocolypse Now, only this seemed to take a lot longer. You've got bad guys with guns and Duke boys with bows and arrows running around in the woods. McQuad backs up to Boss Hogg's car (you know he can sniff out anything over $50 from 10 miles away) and Boss chastises him for using guns, adding that nobody needs to get hurt and orders him back to Atlanta.
That doesn't work, but Roscoe shows up and shoots one of the bad guys in the toe. As Enos handcuffs him to the Dukes' porch, he informs him that, "You won't play football no more, boy." This buys time for the Dukes to make up a dynamite arrow, Luke and McQuade have a standoff, Bo jumps McQuade, then Luke proceeds to dynamite Cooter's car for no good reason. You know, pretty standard stuff. There's a lack of evidence, you can blow up what you want as longs as you don't have shine or guns, etc.
Friends, that's how the Dukes helped to steal a stolen $118,254.37 for someone who was 14 minutes and 37 seconds old, and I'd figure unable to really appreciate it. Remember old Cooter? Well guess what he got. That's right, he gets to do what he loves, work with his hands, and try to put back together the charred bits of his car that are scattered over half of the county. That boy sure is lucky to have friends like the Dukes.